


those left behind (say goodbye)

by alesford



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Families of Choice, Family Feels, Feels, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Season 3 Spoilers, spoilers for 3x11, spoilers for 3x12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-21 00:08:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16148426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alesford/pseuds/alesford
Summary: She draws her knees to her chest and sits in front of the stairs in the middle of the woods. Everything hurts and nothing's okay and she can't fight the losing battle against,what if, what if, what if?She's numb and it has nothing to do with the cold.Another alternate ending to 3x12. Spoilers for the end of the season.





	those left behind (say goodbye)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Vythian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vythian/gifts).



> You can blame Vythian, who said she wanted to see Nicole deck Wynonna in the face.
> 
> All aboard the angst train. I'm your terrible conductor, newt.

 

 

She draws her knees to her chest and sits in front of the stairs in the middle of the woods. She sits and she hopes that the doors to so-called Paradise will open again and Doc and Waverly will come marching out alive.

 

They don’t even have to be victorious or smiling or even good and happy. She just wants them back alive — and preferably conscious and whole.

 

She sits in front of the stairs with Doc’s gun belt beside her with her arms wrapped around her legs and her chin on her knees. She sits and she waits and she hopes beyond hope and the horrible, sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that’s telling her that it isn’t going to be that easy.

 

Nothing ever is.

 

Especially with a last name like _Earp._

 

The doors don’t open and the sun is low in the sky and she’s only now beginning to wonder why the hell she’s dressed the way she is in the middle of freaking winter in Canada.

 

Her entire body shakes as she shivers. Her fingers are numb. Her heart is heavy.

 

Everything hurts.

 

Everything.

 

She thinks that maybe this hurts more than saying goodbye to Alice. With Alice, she had a choice — even if it wasn’t _really_ a choice — and she made it. She chose it. She got to say goodbye.

 

Today, _bye_ fell from her lips in shock. An afterthought. Falling on deaf ears because she was already alone. Because she’d already lost Doc. Because she’d already failed Waverly.

 

It should make her blood boil. How many people she’s lost to this goddamn curse. It should make her scream and rage and fight even harder.

 

Levi. Fish. Shorty. Eliza. Daddy. Willa. Dolls. Charlie. _Julian._

 

Alice.

 

Add Doc and Waverly to the growing list.

 

It should make her blood boil, push her to her feet, give her the energy to throw her body against that stupid invisible wall until it breaks and gives and she can give chase after the people she loves.

 

But she’s just so tired. So tired.

 

She doesn’t even turn her head when she hears more than one pair of feet tearing through the woods and approaching fast. She just stands, gathering Doc’s belt and fastening it around her own waist. She focuses on how the weight of it feels different than Peacemaker strapped to her thigh. Two revolvers and a knife at the small of her back.

 

She stands and she continues to watch the stairs. Continues to hope even with the gaping hole in her chest where her heart might once have been.

 

“Earp!”

 

Nicole is angry.

 

“You idiot!”

 

And apparently much closer than Wynonna realized because she feels a gloved hand wrap around her upper arm and spin her around roughly until she’s face to face with the love of her sister’s life.

 

She hears two questions at once.

 

“Is that Doc’s belt?” is the first one that registers, and it comes from a panting Jeremy who’s hunched over with his hands on his knees and Robin at his side with a comforting hand on his shoulder.

 

Wynonna can’t think about Doc when the second question is the one that she expects and it’s, “Where’s Waverly?”

 

She can’t ignore the way her eyesight begins to blur as she glances over her shoulder towards the stone staircase to fuck knows where because it sure as hell ain’t Paradise. She knows that Nicole must see the unshed tears glistening in her eyes, how they must be red-rimmed and matching the color of her cold-chapped cheeks. She can see the moment of recognition in the sheriff’s eyes.

 

A split second later, Nicole rebounds off the barrier to the stairs and lands flat on her back. She gasps as the wind is knocked from her lungs. She rolls over onto her side and then onto her feet and she tries again, shoulder first with similar results.

 

“Nicole!” Wynonna hears Robin shout.

 

None of them move to stop her as she continues to throw her body against the barrier, fists pounding against it, sending ripples through it that catch the light of the setting sun and cast prismatic colors across the frozen forest floor. Waverly, _Waverly,_ “Waverly!” echoes through the trees, cutting through Wynonna’s haze as it shreds at whatever remains of her heart.

 

Wynonna lunges forward. Her bear hug from behind only slows Nicole’s thrashing and she’s bucked off almost instantly.

 

The side of her face explodes in pain. She sees stars. She tastes blood.

 

She might stumble backwards a step or two, tripping over her own two feet until she’s back on her ass on the ground again. She blinks through her tears and watches fume.

 

“What the fuck were you thinking, Wynonna?” Nicole roars, and she charges again with her left arm swinging.

 

Robin and Jeremy catch her before she can send another fist through Wynonna’s face, and it takes all of their strength combined to hold her back as she seethes.

 

“You _drugged_ us and we could have _been here!_ We could have _helped,_ Wynonna! We could have—”

 

The next _what if_ in the form of _we could have_ dies in her throat with a strangled sob. She stops fighting Jeremy and Robin. The anger and desperation keeping her on her feet transforms into devastating anguish so violent that it drives her to her knees and wracks her body until she’s shaking and crying and wailing.

 

It’s a chorus of ‘ _no_ ’ and ‘ _Waverly_ ’ and ‘ _Yes, it was a yes_ ’.

 

Jeremy and Robin follow her to the ground. They wrap their arms around her, pull her into their tightest embrace with tears in their own eyes with grief-stricken faces.

 

Wynonna can’t turn away. Can’t look away from the raw emotions and heartbreak in front of her.

 

She did this.

 

She lost her.

 

She lost Waverly.

 

After everything. _After everything,_ she still couldn’t protect her family.

 

She did this.

 

‘ _I’m sorry_ ’ won’t cut it. Won’t be the balm to soothe these wounds. Won’t relieve this misery.

 

‘ _I’m sorry_ ’ can’t regrow hearts or make long lost sisters reappear.

 

She draws her knees to her chest and sits in front of the stairs in the middle of the woods and mourns with what’s left of her family.

 

 


End file.
